The White Room of Starting Over
You’re in the white room of starting over. A place of nothingness as far as you can see. In fact, it is so empty and devoid of anything, that you can’t tell where the floor ends, where the ceiling begins, and if there are even walls. You don’t even have a shadow.
As you stand still in this empty, clean, quiet place, you begin to think. Not about how you got here, wherever here is, or how you will get out. You’re not even thinking about how you will get food or water or how you will use the restroom. There is only one thought on your mind. One question worth asking.
“What now? What do I do now?”
As things come to an end, no matter whether it’s a job, career, relationship or marriage, moving to a new place, or even a death, it’s natural to ask, “What now?” Starting over, no matter what phase of life you’re in, is overwhelming, intimidating, and scary. Most of us are not excited by change, nor do we like when things end.
Starting over is like standing in an empty white room, staring into blank nothingness as you try to figure out how to begin again.
I was in this weird place of flux for quite some time. Everything that I thought my life would be by now has been wiped away. My career hadn’t taken off like I thought it would, even after years of hard work. My relationship with my fiancé ended. Writing has always been my escape, my cathartic release, a way to disconnect from this world and disappear for a little while, but I lost even the desire to write for a long time. I felt like I was standing in a white room with a pen and a half-baked plan.
A clean slate is supposed to feel like a good thing, but to me it has always been overwhelming. It feels more like an ending than a beginning. So, what do you do when you’re in the “white room of starting over” and you are too overwhelmed with the idea of beginning again?
Change the Color of Your Room
I once knew an artist who never started with a white canvas. They always began by painting the canvas entirely a different color before they even started. This way, they’re no longer staring at a blank canvas. This way, you’ve already started and it’s less intimidating. Changing the color, painting the canvas may mean something different to everyone, but it’s an easy way to begin. And now, you’re no longer trapped in an empty, white room.
Start Small
No one said that the first step had to be a big step. It can be as small as setting an alarm, writing one hundred words a day, or putting on pants. Let’s be honest. Some days, putting on pants is just as much a success as running a marathon. But we don’t have to start with marathons. We can start with making a full breakfast or reading our Bible first thing in the morning.
Decide on a Destination
If you don’t know where you’re going, you’ll never get there. One of the first steps you should take when starting over, is decide where you want to end up. Because, when our original plans get scrapped, it’s important to remind ourselves that doesn’t mean that everything is over. It’s a chance to find a new direction and a new destination. And sometimes, that destination is better than anything we could have imagined.
Make a Plan
Without a plan, I am lost. Even if that plan is “1. Do laundry. 2. Wash hair. 3. Put away clean laundry.” But creating a plan, even if that plan gets changed or happens to get derailed, is a great place to start.
Use a Mantra or Daily Affirmations
I know that many people find this to be hokey and weird. I did too, and still do sometimes. But affirmations don’t have to be cheesy. You can make up your own, or you can borrow someone else’s. But affirmations have a way of helping keep us on track. They tell our minds what to focus on and help bring us back into focus when we lose track, or our minds start to wander.
The Lord told me to start this blog a year and a half ago. It has taken me a while to get here, but here we are. I know that it’s the beginning of whatever changes He has in store for me. And as I type this, I realize that I no longer feel like I am trapped in an empty white room. I no longer feel like all of me has been erased and replaced with emptiness. I’m starting to see a future where my dreams might actually come true. And the dreams I have now are greater than any I’ve ever had before. I see a purpose to my dreams, and I see purpose in the message I’ve wanted to bring to you for so many years.
There is still a lot of work to do to get to the destination that I can see, and I know that the destination the Lord has for me is far greater than anything I can imagine. And I know that He has something incredible in store for you too. He won’t let us fail at the things He directs us to do.
So, what color will you paint your white room?
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