What is True Fearlessness?

What is true fearlessness?

In my research on fearlessness, I have read that fear is a good and necessary thing. That if we are truly fearless then there is something wrong with us mentally. Perhaps, if you’re willing to stick your hand in a blazing fire and see how long you can keep it there, or you’re game to fight a bear to see who will win, I’d say yes. You might want to talk to someone about those intrusive thoughts. But I believe that we are capable of living our lives without living in fear of failure or ridicule or being afraid to do the things that you want to do because you’re afraid everyone is looking at you and judging you. It is possible to know true fearlessness.

So, what does it mean to be truly fearless? Do you picture paratroopers jumping out of planes and marines doing whatever it is that marines do? Perhaps you know someone who you think is fearless. My best friend is one of the smartest and most beautiful women I know. She negotiated a promotion and a large salary raise at her male-led engineering job. She is a wife and a mother and a boss, and to me, she’s fearless.

But what does it mean? What is true fearlessness? And can we be truly fearless as regular, normal people? I think so.

My “ordeal”

Two years ago, I started going through one of the most terrifying mental experiences I’ve ever faced. As a writer, a dreamer, and a creator, I’m in my head a lot. I live in my own world. My head, my worlds, my characters are where I go to escape from the harsh reality we all live in. It’s why I read and why I write. But two years ago, my head became my own worst enemy. My mind started throwing intrusive thoughts at me that were terrifying and overwhelming and I wasn’t able to stop them. It took time and a lot of prayer and fasting for me to get to a place where they were controllable.

I’ve never been a suicidal person. I’ve never thought “I would be better off dead. The world would be better off if I was dead.” But as I was going through this attack, I did think more than once, “The only way this is ever going to stop is if I die. I’m going to have to die or I’m going to lose my mind.” I wasn’t thinking of taking my life, but I do think the devil wanted me to. Fortunately, I was raised in a family that taught me that spiritual battle is a thing, and with the guidance of a dear friend and help from the Lord, we were able to fight our way out of this terrifying time.

Where it began

But what led up to all that? Why did it happen? I believe the spirit of fear took hold of me at a young age. When it happened, I was in the first grade, and it was a tv show that scared me. I remember the next day it was like a switch had flipped and I was a different person. I was quiet, I was shy, I was afraid to talk to people, to feel stupid. 

Fast forward to 2020 and the entire world is gripped in fear. Fear of COVID, fear of dying, fear of losing loved ones, fear of having our rights taken away, fear of a vaccine, fear of no vaccine, fear of war, fear of recession, fear of losing our jobs, our cars, our homes. You name it, we’re afraid of it.

I was no different. Every day, COVID kept creeping closer and closer. At first it was just overseas and then it was in Florida. And then it was in my state of South Carolina. People at church were getting it. My friend’s friends were getting it. My friends caught it. Then, my family members got it. Then the vaccine came out and do I get it or not? Is it safe? What do we do?

But we made a lot of progress on the fear and anxiety that had me so crippled, until my friend pointed out, “A year ago, you would have been a mess over this, but look at you. You’re okay.”

Conquering fear isn’t easy

I think this progress is what prompted the devil to attack me so strongly. He was losing his grip on me and didn’t want to let go. Fortunately for me, he doesn’t know what kind of woman I am. The woman I’ve become. I don’t take threats lightly and I don’t let fear get in the way of my progress and my life anymore. So, I fought, and I fought hard. Today, I can say with certainty that I am still afraid, but I know that I no longer have any reason to be afraid. Here’s why:

I am not in control. You don’t have to believe in my God. That’s okay. But I know that Jesus is in control of what happens to me and He doesn’t allow anything to happen without His permission. And if He gives His permission, then I know that He has a plan to make me stronger and better because of what He’s allowing me to go through. This attack brought many huge and painful changes to my life that needed to happen. I had been putting them off for a long time and they were long overdue. Without this time, I wouldn’t have made those changes to become the woman I am meant to be.

What is fear?

Fear is a liar. Fear tells us that we are less than who we are meant to be. It keeps us from living in the purpose and potential that we were created for by telling us that we are not enough. But that’s not true. We are enough. We were made to be enough.

I can do hard things. During the attack of intrusive thoughts, it became clear that I needed to break up with my fiancé. We had been together for fifteen years and I had every intention of spending the rest of my life with him. But that wasn’t meant for us anymore. Breaking up with him, with a man whom I loved more deeply than anyone else, was the hardest thing that I have ever done.

True fearlessness is having the strength to admit that you’re scared. Many times, the things that we’re afraid of are not real. They’re scenarios that we’ve created in our minds, and those scenarios hold us back and keep us from realizing our true potential. We make decisions out of fear instead of going into them with a clear head.

Fear no longer has permission to rule my life, and I want to help you find this same clarity as we start a new year. I want us to find out what true fearlessness looks like for each of us. I will work to no longer make decisions out of fear. Let’s leave fear behind us going into this new year.